A Pocket Full of Mindfulness

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few years, you will have heard of mindfulness. Perhaps you’ve tried mindfulness and are aware of its benefits but struggle to make it a practice, part of your everday life. Or is mindfulness just another thing to add to your to-do list?

If this sounds like you then I can relate.

Meditation first

A few years ago I was studying for an MA and working part-time whilst also applying for jobs. My nerves were frayed and my body was tired. Empty. Wrung out. My mind however, was busy. Frenetic. Calm had long abandoned my mind and anxiety had taken control.

I tried everything. Long walks, lavendar spray on my pillows, yoga. You name it, I tried it. While there was short-term relief, most of the time the flames of anxiety were merely dampened.

Then I discovered a guided meditation by Nita Saini. What followed in those 20 minutes was nothing short of a revelation. I know, big words. Somehow, with my mind suspended, my only focus the honeyed voice in my ears, I relaxed for the first time in a year.

By following a guided meditation I was able to trick my mind into believing that I was doing something. Before that time, I equated relaxing with doing nothing. And I’ve never been good at doing nothing. My anxiety made it impossible for me to do nothing. Silence was something to be feared.

Amazingly, following the guided meditation was enough to allow my mind to finally relax.

One part of the meditation asked me to imagine a warm golden liquid gliding down from the top of my head, down my neck and shoulders. Radiating warmth and healing with each drop. Holding this gentle image in my mind, my body began to relax and loosen. The first time I’d truly felt in a long time.

If you’ve struggled with stress or anxiety, you’ll know the effect these conditions have on your body. So wired and in a heightened state of stress, you feel numb to other emotions. By focusing on the present moment my body was able to engage with my mind as it should.

At the end of the meditaiton it’s no exaggeration to say that I felt as though I’d emerged from a deep sleep. A satisfying rest.

Over the next few months I came back to the gudied meditation. Knowing I had something in my arsenal to help sooth my anxiety was a relief but also kind of awesome.

The power of the mind. I began to understand that if negative thoughts could cloud my life, then more balanced thoughts could soothe my mind.

Mindfulness for the everyday

I read books on meditation, tried a meditation app and then discovered mindfulness. On those days when I didn’t have time to sit and meditate, I used mindfulness instead.

Mindfulness is brilliant because it’s portable. Wherever you go, it goes too. Let me tell you how I made mindfulness part of my everyday life and how you can too.

My favourite mindfulness exercises

Before you begin

Your mind WILL wander when you try mindfulness. This is normal. Every time this happens (and it will happen a lot), just bring your mind back to the present. The more you notice your mind wandering, the more your awareness takes hold. Usually we’re unaware of our mind wandering from topic to topic. And when you notice it has wandered, this is mindfulness at work.

Remember to gently coax you wandering mind back to the present moment. Don’t berate yourself or tell yourself that you have failed. Just keep going. Over time your mind will wander less and less.

The Shower

This one is the first mindfulness exercise I tried. It’s very simple. Everyone needs to shower or take a bath at some point.

How does the water feel? Stand beneath the shower and bring your mind to the torrent of water and how it feels as it flows over your head. Really focus on how the water feels. Work from the top of your head right to your toes. How does it feel as it moves down your shoulders? As it hits your shins? Focus on how the water feels for about five minutes.

Next really look at the water. Take five more minutes to look at how the water makes tracks over your arms, how it arcs a spray when it makes contact with your shoulders. Are the droplets bigger on your hands than on your arms? Look at the patterns the water makes on your skin. Does the water move faster down your shoulders or over your arms? Imagine this is the first time you’ve seen water.

Listen to the water. take 3 minutes or so to listen to how the water feels when it makes contact with your head, your arms, your chest, your legs, etc.

Continue with your normal showering routine. Slowly bring your mind back to your surroundings and carry on with your day!

Strength training

Say whaaaat? I hear you cry. Strength training (weights) and mindfulness? Bear with me.

For me, strength training is so enjoyable because it’s a form on mindfulness. I often zone out when lifting weights and my mind feels relaxed and open, its only focus the number of reps and lifting the weights.

If you’ve never worked with dumbells before, I recommend checking out a few YouTube videos or asking for guidance at the gym to work on your form. If you’re used to working with dumbells then you might want ot try the following mindfulness exercise.

Select your weights. You’re going to follow your usual strength routine but this time, you’re going to focus on how the movements feel.

With each lift, focus on how the weight feels in your hand. Do this for however many sets you usually do.

With the next set, focus on how your muscles feel with each lift and relax.

Repeat as many times as you wish.

Always bring your mind back to the weights whenever your mind begins to wander.

The trip to the dentist

Seriously, is there nothing mindfulness can’t help with? Another great thing about mindfulness is how flexible it is. And no one has to know you’re doing it because it’s invisible!

I’ve always dreaded going to the dentist. After a bad experience in my teens, a knot of anxiety now accompanies me with each visit, even for a simple check up. I’ve learned to get through it by focusing on my breathing, however, when I’ve had treatment I’ve had to use a different strategy and that’s where mindfulness comes in.

You can use this mindfulness exercise whenever you have to go somewhere that makes you anxious. Whether it’s travelling by public transport, a visit to the doctor’s, this exercise is worth a try. When I first tried it, the 10 minutes before my appointment flew by.

Take 5 minutes for this exercise Bring your attention to whatever it is you’re sitting on. Is it a chair? A bench? Does it feel comfortable? Is the chair hard or soft? Examine how the chair feels as the backs of your legs makes contact with the chair.

Next, study something in front of you. Another chair or seat, perhaps. What is it made of? Really look at the fabric. Is there a pattern to it? Is it smooth or frayed? What colours can you see? What else do you notice about the seat / chair? What is it made of, can you guess? Imagine you’re seeing it for the first time. Repeat this for as long as you need to.

Let me know how you get on. Perhaps you have another great mindfulness exercise that you’d like to share. Let me know!

21st Jul 2019 2

Connection

On the evening of the Summer Solstice I found myself standing before the tall iron gates to what looked like a secret garden. Beyond the concrete threshold I imagined trees, flowers and perhaps an ancient crumbling house full of long-buried secrets. My imagination often runs away with me in this way.

As the warm air tousled with my hair, I felt my shoulders drop a little and I forced myself to focus on the present moment. Sunlight cast dappled shadows on the soft earth beneath a canopy of trees. Trees spiralled upwards, arms outstretched, seeking the sun, seeking life.

Standing before the hidden woodland I hoped to find everything I loved about the world; connection. Connection with others, with mother nature and with my creativity. I was ready to embrace all that’s special about the summer solstice; reflection, gratitude and growth.

After a refreshing drink of homemade botanical water, the group of summer solstice seekers sat in a circle on the woodland floor, eyes shining with expectation. Soon enough we began our yoga session on what was the International Day of Yoga. There’s something meditative in in itself about yoga. Bending to the will of the caramel-toned voice, words commanding the body, gently coaxing the stresses of the day out and into the air. Being guided through a series of poses, thinking suspended, the body just fluid movements and the breath. There’s something freeing in the act of offering the body, connecting the mind with the body and harnessing the energy of the natural world. For someone who is very often stuck in their own head, this was an incredibly relaxing yoga session.

With limbs suitably loosened, we were guided through the steps to make our own willow crown, complete with woodland detritus. Sitting beneath the safety of the trees with a group of strangers, very quickly I felt my soul unburden as I discussed things I hadn’t shared with anyone outside of my close family. Very quickly I felt that I was among friends.

Soon we were asked to write something in response to our surroundings and were urged to follow our instincts. I felt a need to explore the woodland. My eyes fell upon a plant, whose stems were naked and had once held delicate sprays of tiny white flowers. The shape of its waning form reminded me of the four seasons. I let my instinct take over. Too often I overthink things, especially when it comes to writing. I wonder if they’d like that phrase? Will anyone read this? Is that the right word? It was freeing to let my mind flow and to trust that my instinct would drive the pen forward.

This is what I wrote:

Summon the seasons with one stem

There is all of life on this here stem.

Tiny spring growths have nourished forth,

Outstretched spines cradle creamy white flowers

bright as the rays of the sun.

Plump pods house next year’s life,

Skeletal tendrils cast delicate silouettes in the crisp moonlight.

With creativity unbidden, ideas flowed freely from my pen. Without the usual overactive mental commentary, my subconscious was able to run with its instincts.

By the end of the session my mind was brimming with ideas, my body was nourished from the wonderful food and my soul was imbued with the energy of the sun.

Our last task was to create an intention for ourselves for the coming months. Something that would guide and motivate us through the remainder of the year. My intention centered on the connection between our actions and our journey through life and how one is dependent on the other. After an evening full of connection, I now know that I have the ability to summon the strength of this special Summer Solstice whenever I need it.

27th Jun 2019 2

The three faces of silence

What is your relationship with silence? Is silence something that you avoid or that you seek to fill? Do you revel in the morning’s gentle hush before the onslaught of the working week has chance to seep into your bones?

Day to day, my relationship with silence is ever-changing and moves in waves, often depending on my mood. There have been other periods in my life when silence has shown a different face. During my childhood silence was an unwelcomed guest in my family home. Then, as I entered my twenties, silence took on a different form; like a spectre it stalked my nightmares as my struggle to balance university studies, a part-time job and home life dissintegrated into illness. It’s only after I emerged from the stress-fuelled brain fog that I began to examine my relationship with silence and learn to sit alongside it, even if I had not yet begun to like it.

The moods

I can’t remember when I became aware of my dad’s use of silence as a weapon but my body still houses the memory of how his silent days affected my young life. The memories linger in the clench of my jaw when I sleep, when my subconcious breaks through the protective wall I built around myself in wakefulness.

I remember one day as a small child, when I’d set off across the living room, toddling up to my dad as fast as my unsteady legs would carry me. With arms outstretched and my My Little Pony (the original 80’s version) t-shirt riding up over my plump arms, I’d waited, face upturned. There was no reaction from my dad to even suggest that I was in the room. Next I recall my mum ushering me into the garden and pointing at the pansies with petals like faces and smiling at how our cat looked like a statue curled up fast asleep on the lawn.

Days would pass by and the wedge between a happy home life and my dad seemed to expand. Nobody told me to avoid him but the after school routine seemed to speed up when he was in one of his ‘moods’. Mum would make tea a little earlier, help with my homework in between peering through the blinds of the front window and checking her watch. By the time dad arrived home from work – sometimes after 7pm – I’d be upstairs and ready for bed. As I grew up, my unformed mind interpreted Dad’s silence and absence as a rejection, I suppose, one I buried beneath my studies, determined to achieve and one day escape the silent days.

The silence is so loud

Once I left the family home and began to spread my adult wings, I felt lighter. I filled my days with my studies, over-planning and over-reading so as to keep up with the others in my class. My studies never came easy to me. I couldn’t slack off all term and then stay up the night before an exam with only a pot of coffee to fuel my revision and then breeze through with an A*. Only my friend Jo managed to do that and to this day I don’t know how she managed it! I studied for 12 hours a day sometimes – five hours if I had work that day too. Things took a nose-dive when I added job searching into my already frantic days. The worry about securing a job was real, especially since the banks had not long crashed.

Most of my class mates were from middle-class backgrounds and had plans to return to the family home if they couldn’t secure a job before graduation. For some, securing work would mean securing their very first job. I’d been working since I was 16 and didn’t have the safety net of the bank of mum and dad. It won’t come as a suprise to learn that I fell ill during final term.

In a nutshell I was exhausted. Mind and body threw hints my way in the form of infections and lingering bugs. I didn’t listen, choosing to work through the illnesses and still I worried about getting a job. I remember one day, dropping my laptop and bursting into loud bubbling tears for almost an hour. I couldn’t finish my essay. I couldn’t afford a new laptop. Everything was ruined.

Silence descended and I was forced to stop. When had silence become so loud? It grated on my frayed nerves. I couldn’t sit still. I had to drown out the silence. In the end I borrowed my sister’s old portable CD player (my ipod had given up the ghost long ago) and grabbed a few CDs from her, just to drown out the silence. This is something I laugh about now, how crazy I must’ve seemed to her – also, how retro are these references to obsolescent tech?

Peace in silence

Somehow time passed by and yes, I found a job – I was offered two actually – and I began to distance myself from the frenetic hours of studying.

About a month after I’d handed in my dissertation, I realised that I still felt quite poorly. I knew that my whirling thoughts and need for constant distraction was not normal. So I did what I always do when faced with a problem – I began to research it! Websites, books, magazines – I scoured them for solutions to the stress I was feeling. Let me tell you, I was willing to try anything. And that’s how me and my friend Lea ended up buying a yoga mat each and following a yoga DVD in her living room that hot summer. It’s also the reason why we took up cross stitching and crochet (her, anyway). Yes, I know – I was willing to try anything.

These new hobbies helped a little but I wasn’t fully invested, I’ll be honest. I did however, enjoy the free guided meditation I discovered in a magazine one day. I was sceptical to begin with. No one in my circle of friends did meditation and this was before Instagram, you have to remember.

The short meditation was a revelation. For the first time in months I could tolerate sitting in silence because the meditation meant that I was still doing something. I felt rested, as though I’d had a nap. It was unexpected and if I’m honest, a relief! Relief because I’d finally come to terms with the silence and because I now had a sure-fire way to help quieten my mind when it got too loud.

I still meditate these days. It’s not always formal, sit down meditation. Sometimes it’s a walking meditation, other times it’s a variation on mindfulness where I’ll force myself to notice every movement as I wash the dishes after dinner. That’s the great thing about meditation, it’s portable!

I’ve come to realise that silence isn’t static. It’s not one way of being. More often it is experienced by our own interpretations. And that’s ok.

23rd Jun 2019 0